Teaching Girls to Respect Themselves!

My other amazing role model today is Courtney Macavinta, co-author of RESPECT: A Girl's Guide to Getting Respect & Dealing When Your Line is Crossed (Free Spirit, 2005)   

If you haven't checked out her book... stop reading this and click over to do that.  No really. NOW.  Because there are still so few good, smart books that are really about reaching out to girls to help them... instead of just capitalizing on a trend so an author can get a book out. And this book is packed with tips, exercises (no, not the stomach crunching kind.  The mind bending kind) and ideas to get young women thinking about respecting themselves, their bodies and others in a new way.

And I'm happy to say, Courtney took time off from appearing on CNN, being quoted in major newspapers across the country and doing all sorts of other activist good on the planet to answer these questions for me. So check it!

Audrey: Could you start by sharing your personal definition of respect, and one thing 
we can all do to get it (or to respect ourselves)?

Courtney: Respect to me means to value and honor yourself and others--because  
we're all super special (just because we're here!) and should be  
treated as equals. Getting respect starts on the inside. For starters,  
you need to believe that you're worth something and should have the  
same rights as everyone else. But if you're not there yet, you can start by simply 
exploring and doing things that you  love. Following your passions helps you start 
to realize your mission in life. It builds your confidence. It makes you feel like 
you matter.  And, basically, it helps you find your bliss! With your passions rolling, 
then it's all about learning and living The 7 Respect Basics. Listening to  
yourself, setting boundaries, speaking up, creating strong  relationships and 
sisterhood, and getting help when you need it--all of  these actions show that 
you respect yourself. Then you can spread that respect to your relationships and
 world. At the very least self-respect means staying true to you.


Audrey: On page 36 of your book (see, I totally read it!) there are lots of amazing quotes from real
girls talking about their bodies...could you share your top three tips for stopping
the madness when it comes to dissing our bodies?


Courtney: Of all the respect topics, this is the one women and girls seem to  
struggle with the most. Me too! I can't tell you how tired I am of  
hearing all my smart, beautiful sisters talk for hours on end about  
what diet they're on, how much weight they've gained or lost, or what  
exercise fade they're following. Don't we have something else to talk  
about? Totally! I'm tired of the character of a women being measured by  
the number on the scale or the size of her jeans. Our real worth weighs  
so much more than that!

Here are my tips:

Think about your body thoughts: Don't separate your mind and body. They 
are BFs for life. So do think about how your body is helping you with 
your mission in life or to enjoy your passions or to have fun. Respect 
and care for your body from that POV. If you're struggling with bad 
body thoughts, try this: Record your body thoughts: Keep a journal of 
how often you think negative thoughts about yourself for one week. Add 
up the minutes. The next week, spend the same amount of time  volunteering or helping
someone in need. Compare the weeks. What's the difference in how you felt about
yourself?

Think about your real bling: Don't organize your entire life, thoughts,spending,
goals, and dreams around maintaining a certain body or beauty  ideal--it weakens your
real girl power. As investments go, over time this strategy will leave you feeling
bankrupt and ripped off. Real fulfillment comes from: Caring about yourself.
Appreciating your uniqueness. Respecting your needs. Exploring your passions.
Helping others. Contributing. Questioning anything that doesn't feel right. 
Believing in and supporting other women. Learning from rejection and 
mistakes and moving on. Not seeing yourself as above or below anyone 
else. Knowing you're here, you're special, and you're in charge of 
your experience and choices. Doing what you know you should do.


Cut back on toxins: Go on a media fast. It's hard for me to lay down US 
Weekly, too, but we have to do it! Would you read a magazine all day 
about how to hate women? Or why women are so dumb and all that matters 
is the size of their waist? Sometimes these magazines are sending the 
same message.  When you're no longer marinating your brain in a sea of 
size 0s, diet tips, or body-obsessed "role" models, you'll get some 
much-needed clarity. What do 'beauty' and 'healthy' mean to you? You 
need the space to be the real you--without interruption or outside 
pressure--to truly fund out. See Chapter 4 of RESPECT for tons of ways you can
clean up your media diet to boost your body respect.

Boost your self-respect: Make a list of all things you want to try or 
love doing. And for the next month, work one of your passions into your 
schedule each week. How do you feel now? To boost your confidence, try 
something that you've been afraid to tackle. It could be just talking 
to someone new, or going out for a team or job or entering yourself 
into an election. Start small (where deep down you know you can do 
it!).

Be a body role model. When we're advocates for other girls and women, 
it rubs off on us in a really permanent way (the kinda tattoo you never 
want to get rid of). So to start loving your body, show other girls the 
love. Around younger girls, don't say you're fat, ugly or anything else 
downright mean about yourself. Change the world for the better by *not* 
talking the Language of Fat. Don't size each other up based on your 
size. Compliment a girl's character, choices, accomplishments and ideas 
(not just how cute she looks in pair of jeans). Make body choices that 
show your sisters that you *truly* love yourself (like not depriving 
yourself of what you need and making your health a priority). Don't be 
afraid to try new sports or activities, which also shows other girls 
that it's OK not to be perfect all the time (remember, being active 
boosts your self-respect either way). Moms, if you want to transform 
your daughters' lives in a really amazing way: stop hating, abusing or 
putting down your body. They're watching and learning (just like we 
did!).

Audrey: Could you offer some thoughts on how to make sense of the fact
that the women most frequently featured in the media as role models haven't really 
done much to earn our respect... but yet we all know them on a first name basis....
In your opinion, how has this come about and who should be we looking to instead?


Courtney: We do need to question our media role models. If you're looking up to  
someone because of her wardrobe, the color of her hair, her party  
lifestyle, or her tiny size, think about: What does this woman have to  
say? You should be valued for your heart, ideas, creativity,  
uniqueness, and contributions to your world. Shouldn't your role models  
have to stand up to the same test? It hurts deep down when we're not  
appreciated for who we really are. So let's not treat other women and  
girls like cardboard cutouts either. Think about:  What really matters  
to your role models? What do they stand for? What's their mission? How  
are they using their life? The answers should reveal if you truly  
admire this person or if you need to come up with higher standards for  
who you call a role model. You can start by being a role model of  
self-respect in your own right! 

****

PS. I should mention that if you click over to Courtney's site... she's got an interview with me up there.  We both really liked aspects of each other's books and wanted to dive in on our blogs!

Comments

[Feminism & Lipgloss]

Oh my giddy aunt...I do all those already! Without even realising it! I think Courtney should put up: tell your friends to SHUT UP when they start talking about how fat they are.
OK, maybe not the best tatic...
http://feminismandlipgloss.blogspot.com

[Jack]

yes,women need to have more respect for themselves

[Annie]

Random question...a tricky one at that...does anyone know the name of a book that has the words "daring," "bold" "extrordinary" or something similar in it about girls who are bold...one story was about a snowboarder. This is not the Daring book for Girls that is on display in every book store righ now. Please help, I saw it last Christmas and almost bought it for me niece but didn't. Now I can't remember the name.